grace

… filling in the negative space with positively everything

wow!

it’s amazing what a good friend and some empathetic understanding can do for you. or maybe i’ve just entered the manic phase now. (yeah, bi-polar is just another item on my delicious menu of disorders/diseases. for the growing list, feel free to check out my xanga page.)

after talking to my friend munir, my mood boosted a million-fold. i now feel like leaping tall buildings in a single bound, as the saying goes, rather than leaping FROM them. as a result, i am no longer cellular-phobic: i’ve actually answered my phone several times today, and even made a few outgoing calls! (those who know me will attest to this amazing improvement.)

i’ve also started dancing again! i haven’t felt inspired to do that for the past few months! even though it’s just in my room while standing in front of my laptop, at least i’m shaking it again. and boy, is there alot of it to shake. hopefully some of it will shake its way off soon.

man, i wish this high would last forever; but i know it won’t. it never does. so i’ve got to get back to business and start churning work out while i have the energy.

or maybe i’ll just call munir again when it starts waning …

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little pig little pig

i got back from nyc and la to find out i am now 123 pounds. for my height, according to all medical websites, that makes me officially overweight. yay. and in fact, i am actually on my way to being officially obese.

all this after watching what i eat and exercising religiously for the past year. something is really wrong with my body, but i have yet to discover the root of it all. i can’t stand my body being so bloated and edemic and in pain every day. some days, i feel like walking in front of a bus or jumping off of a very tall building. i always did want to go skydiving.

so i’ve decided to do the “master cleanse,” as suggested by my friend joey guila. then i will go to an endocrinologist and get all my hormone levels tested. whatever this is, i’m determined to not let it kill me. i can do that on my own, thank you very much.

and i’ve realized i’m going to die soon. i may be 32 now, but i never saw myself living past 37. like the ancient mayan calendar that everyone references when making apocalyptic predictions, all visions of my existence always ended abruptly at age 37. i never saw a future for myself after that. maybe i was just preparing myself for a mid-life crisis…although i already had that at 26.

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